Jeremy Heere is the protagonist of the novel. He is a high school sophomore with brown eyes and brown hair that often has dandruff in it. Jeremy dislikes his appearance and worries about his physical awkwardness, claiming to be so bad at dancing that he “wasn’t even good at those super-hippie modern dance ‘movement’ classes” (46). He is a highly anxious person who frequently worries about his social reputation and hates being rejected. Due to the media he consumes, Jeremy feels that he does not meet the necessary standards for getting a girlfriend, and he relies on online pornography to satisfy his sexual urges.

Throughout the course of the novel, Jeremy acquires a SQUIP, and the supercomputer modifies his behavior so that he can appear cool to other high school students. He changes his appearance, buying new clothes that reference popular musicians, and he begins to exercise and groom himself differently to develop muscles and reduce his dandruff. Despite these outward changes, Jeremy still struggles with self-confidence, believing that without the SQUIP, he would not be able to maintain his new reputation. This overreliance on the SQUIP leads him to alienate the people he truly likes—his friend, Michael, and his crush, Christine.