Nic abuses drugs to escape from life. This theme of drugs as a method of escapism appears throughout his memoir both in times of sobriety and in times when Nic is using. At the end of the memoir, Nic realizes that his desire for escape enables his addiction and writes that, “If I could be content with who I am, I wouldn’t have to escape myself always” (302).

Nic most often uses drugs in order to escape from the troubling things he has done as a user. He is “so scared of coming off the drugs”(20) and describes the process as a vicious cycle. He uses and does things he is ashamed of, so he uses more “so I never had to face that” (20). In his mind, he has used for so long and accrued so many sins that turning back seems impossible. Nic even admits that he would rather die than face his actions. Rather than facing the past and taking responsibility, Nic resolves that all he can do is move forward and forget. Drugs helps him achieve just that, albeit temporarily.  

Nic also uses drugs in order to escape to a world where he is able to actualize his hopes, dreams, and goals.